Notes from the Underground

by Fian

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1.	The Stranger 06:47	lyrics	buy track
Well I’m a shit talker and a shameless mocker And I'm just a cool bastard I just wanna get plastered I’ve got no motivation I’m just one hesitation I couldn’t care less where I’m going I’m like that stone cold stranger who got hold of a gun Walking on the beach under the beat of the sun Looking for the first man that I come upon I’ll put five bullets in his body I’m an orbiting stone I’m an arm of an arm An eye watching as time goes on and on and on and on….. I wonder what can I change By just watching the rain Through eyes like broken window panes And if my soul was flayed bare to the filth of the air I don’t know if I could bring myself to care And then you said “Hey!” I think I’d say that you had it made You’d think it would have been enough but no Dissatisfied, and tried, hung out to die! Oh I hope you’re ready to pay! I wonder why I should be grateful for this life that I lead? It’s just a claustrophobic pit with dust and ashes to breathe And you want me to regret that it’s my time to leave But I couldn’t care less where I’m going And yet now that it comes to it I think I can say That there may have been a time I had a reason to stay I had my eyes on the horizon and to something I prayed Wasn’t it beautiful to live? I’m a liquified soul being poured from its bowl Down the vortical hole gaping wide below Which god to invoke to stop this strangling choke Won't you just give me the punch line to this cosmic joke? Because now I know this: there’s neither horror nor bliss In Death’s disinterested kiss why try to resist? Well I’m not gonna give you any satisfaction no. I know that you all want to hear me scream! While you watch me stumble to my guillotine But guess what? I’m being set free I’ve made my peace. Now back to the beginning
2.	Persephone 04:24	lyrics	buy track
Death begets death! Our dark mother And her shriveled womb Is fertile as a mass grave Yes she loves you She wants you so bad Her incestuous desire You’ve never seen something so fucked up In all your life. Give me more time! Death my sweet mother Oh, where is thy sting? I asked her without any fear Until she hissed and whispered “here” I’m not ready I’ve got so much to do Never finished what I started Now behold all things are made new Who do you think you are You think you’re some kind of movie star? We’re all in this atrocity So you aren’t any better than me You pretentious little shit You are looking to get hit Oh shall I bow before you sire? In the court of the Great Equalizer? Want to hear something funny? Hilarious? Absurd? We’re all going to hang On Mother’s every word Respiratory cycle of breath It’s reciprocal to this circle of death Breathe Breathe in the bad air Don’t grieve You’ve got no time to despair Firstborn of creation Firstborn of the dead Let us drink the wine Let us eat the bread All this talk about life and death I know it makes me seem depressed And perhaps I’m a little obsessed It’s one of maybe five subjects Which is able to arrest My undivided interest Mother I’m trying to behave When I go to my bed Will you tuck me in my grave? Please swallow this pill Imagine if you will This promise of an ending ever unfulfilled A world without any war Still rotten to the core I’m willing to bet it’d be a colossal bore I heard They put chemicals in our food To regulate mortality Cuz the overarching oligarchs Fear for the economy Signs for the end in the beginning We’ve been drafted for a war That we know we won’t be winning The womb was a tomb Death was in the bloom It should be obvious to you But to reiterate we’re doomed It may be hard to hear And it may be kinda shitty To know like everybody else You won’t be rotting pretty We’re all headed for a gurney I don’t care what they tell you The destination Is more real the journey
3.	At the Crossroads 04:13	lyrics	buy track
I’m the king of things And the lord of hordes A vessel of bloodiest wrath. Traveler of the broken path Reigning at the crossroads of misfortune. Destined to suffer like some unredemptive Christ. Echo chamber of grief of grief of grief Resounding lonely off the walls Grey tones longing dimly down the halls For belief’s relief relief How did I come to my throne? Ruling empty halls of stone Sitting robed and crowned alone Surrounded by the whispers of the ghosts of everyone I've ever known I just want to go Back to the past Oh I want to be naive Don't want to know what I know I just want to believe Are you there now are you there now A shadow on the floor? Ebbing inklike black Beneath the crack under the door My son my son Oh Absalom! Lover and liver of your life Master of your own demise Can you stand in the void? Who can stand in the void? The ashen remains of all you once enjoyed Can you stand in the void? Who could stand in void? Laughing in the ruins of everything you've destroyed I just want to go Back to the past Oh I want to be naive Don't want to know what I know I just want to believe Please Father do not crush me. In your hands of whitest bone Please don’t leave me stranded To walk these shadowlands alone.
4.	Man in the Moon 04:46	lyrics	buy track
There everyone must die Reflections in my eyes Flashing lights of lives Under the sun Here I can be alone Away from flesh and bone The weary groans of those Under the sun And all the while here I am The man in the moon singing to them With words as empty as a promised prayer And with my glib mouth and hollow stare I proclaim peace and goodwill to men Not even the divine wind can touch me here And when the world is burning with a lunatic fear I need simply fly on dark wings of delusion To the moon where I can make silent observations In the safety of the sea of tranquility Where only the mind exists Looking down down down on a bloody kingdom Down to the smoke and squalor of real life While I live my own in third person They sing to me yeah Hey man in the moon Are you coming down soon To light up this dark world with your dim reflection Hey man in the moon Who are you to assume We’re not headed in the right direction Hey man in the moon From your high lofty gloom Are you laughing or crying or screaming? Lost In orbit round the sun You and I are one Tethered fast by cords of gravity Reach Hands like waves outstretched to me Bring me down to see A world of pain and joy under the sun I’ll leave my deathmask behind the shroud The man in the moon coming down through the clouds To drink the blood of the earth from the muddy ground Hearing strangled cries and broken laughing sounds I’ll wait for peace and goodwill to men They sing to me yeah Hey man in the moon Are you coming down soon To light up this dark world with your dim reflection Hey man in the moon Who are you to assume We’re not headed in the right direction Hey man in the moon From your high lofty gloom Are you laughing or crying oh They sing to me yeah Hey man in the moon Are you coming down soon To light up this dark world with your dim reflection Hey man in the moon Who are you to assume We’re not headed in the right direction Hey man in the moon From your high lofty gloom Are you laughing or crying or screaming?
5.	Cain 04:15	lyrics	buy track
My name is Cain Grave grower of grain unable to remain the same Evening child odd son of pain Unwanderlusting lost listless in the rain Lost or found Is a matter of perspective I tread this cursed ground Uttering muttered invectives Just gotta capitulate Gotta self manipulate Marked murderer martyred and damned I am that I am Now here unfolded grimed and creased Lie my bolded bastard blind beliefs Born of unholy union of the profound and profane Comfort and fear seared sorrow and shame Vain red blood spilling from blue veins Pale I'm impaled atop a broken weathervane Scarecrow under the fair glow Of the rosy fingered dawn Let me face the eastern morning All ye pilgrims heed this warning Take note and move on My baby brother's blood is calling up from the ground I thought I'd buried him so deep that he'd never be found A moment realizing that I couldn't turn it around I didn't kill him oh my God You know That it couldn't have been me! Down in the earth in the grave he's still bleeding Watering the grapes of wrath Oh these world weary seedlings That look in his eyes of surprise maybe pleading Why is life so very goddamn long! Timshel You might as well Get yourself A head start on hell Timshel I might as well Save myself A spot in hell I've wandered through this earth for about ten thousand years Give or take a few I don't know How long I've been here Waiting patiently for death though I'm still dripping with fear Oh how much longer do I have to stay? Timshel You might as well Get yourself A head start on hell My brain is strained Vague feeling of pain Unable to recall my name Staring at my hands all scarred and stained How long have I been standing in the rain?
6.	Love's Revolving Door 03:56	lyrics	buy track
You've got some yes and no no notions About how you want things to go But darling just because you say it doesn't make it so You gotta get used to disappointment Late dates canceled appointments I'm your case in point Wait up let me roll this joint You say you wanna leave me But babe you better believe me There ain't nobody but me That will see what I see In you oh ain't it romantic? Don't get hysteric or frantic I'm not perfect granted But I'm all that you got And I say nothing stops We've been through this before But you'll never walk out that door Because all I gotta do Is show some interest in you Pretend to listen when you speak And your knees will get weak And I smile and I nod And "oh my god, my man he understands." Sit down a spell Remember how much like hell It was when you were alone So keep the light on I'll be home At two or three Don't have to wait up for me You know that I love you right? Well then I'll see you tonight Oh and babe can I borrow a hundred dollars The way I see it my darling dearest Is that you came to me you hear this? You came looking for ME! Well here I am! I've got all you need in a man. What that's not enough for you? I'm no longer enough for you? Babe, I love you don't you see? Don't turn your back on me I'm talking to you I'm drunk? Hah! I wish I was You pathetic bitch You got a man without which You'd be nothing you hear me? Nothing! With a few more drinks Just maybe I think I could have a sense of humor about your goddam whining! Oh for the love of Christ All you want is a fight Well alright then You fat bulimic dry heaving Nah, you know what I'm leaving Give me the keys. I said give me the Keys puh-lease Am I driving? Of course I'm driving Hey, are you seriously crying? We've been through this before But you'll never walk out that door Because all I gotta do Is show some interest in you Pretend to listen when you speak And your knees will get weak And I smile and I nod And "oh my god, my man he understands."
7.	Joy of the Morning 07:38	lyrics	buy track
The joy of the morning comes Seeps and creeps into my window Greens and yellows consume the grey Sunblade shaven shadows drawn Away God is in His Heaven And all is right with the world The doubts of the night Everything’s gonna be alright I'm living in the land of the sun “Don't worry you're still young” Gonna get up and have some fun After all, why not? The weatherman said that it’d be hot Is there something wrong with sun today? Would you say it looks somehow further away? Oh just forget it! It’s just a passing feeling Don’t let it Take away from the newness of the hour Flowered, now, glowered, doured, soured, and devoured Lost lost lost. At the beginning of the day Lying in the dark The time is 3:45 Every time it changes I’m a little less alive I lie down to sleep each night. Alone in my mind And all the hours I lie still The time is mine and mine to kill Every tick of the clock an unheeded warning. I’m a dead man resurrecting Less and less every morning And nothing now that I have been told Is anything I haven’t known For all the things I’ve learned I’ve never grown What the hell is wrong with me Because I detest myself But they tell me drugs can help And I hope that they’re right Cuz these side effects fucking bite The blue one’s for the sleepless nights And the white one’s for your lowered sex drive The lithium keeps you neither low nor high And this black one can give you meaning to your life They tell me I’m gonna wish I was young Oh God how I wish that I wished I was young But I don’t I wish I was old So I could feel the heat For an understanding of the cold Now I’m a scream inside a bottle I’m graffiti in a frame I’m clean I’m calm I’m happy I’m tame These children of the morning For whom Death has no meaning Ask me where do you want to go son? Where do you want to go? I tell them anywhere but here Anywhere but here Hey have you heard news? I’m still dazed and confused After all this time What a huge surprise I can’t stop thinking of you You’re the only one I’m talking to When I look through dirty windows At a soiled summer sky here I go again Remember at your place That last time I saw your face You spoke about your faith Touting love and grace You made a liar out of me When I said maybe I could believe You didn’t believe yourself Now the story is you fell But everybody knows that’s not true I was always the last to know Where your mind would go But what my world is coming to Has nothing to do with you The joy of the morning comes But I’m not some chosen one Nothing’s really wrong Because God is in His Heaven So they say
8.	The Burning Coal 05:20	lyrics	buy track
I was born in the wrong century I’ve got an old soul Least that’s what they tell me I ate the burning coal I’ve got a prophet’s heart I’m set apart For a certain role I’m not here I’m above it all Pay Pay to play Get’s you an entire day With Sasha Grey Lay her down Pass her around Nothing’s off the menu Everything’s allowed Her value fluctuates with markets But she’s priced by the pound We are flushed from our pleasures We lust after new leisures Millions of mirrors peer out of our pockets. Inject me with the latest viral video My offending right eye Let it rot from its socket I’ll camp out all night on the filthy sidewalk I’m twelfth in a line that triples round the block One more 14% APR for a subscription service to life. I've got the deathly hallows tattooed on my arm A dream catcher on my thigh to protect me from harm Designing an identity Stamping a brand So when I go to heaven God knows Who’s cash cow I am GoFind me some seed money I'll help you grow Guarantee we can increase your SEO Exhume consume Drink down the fumes Blue bottle flies swarming around our heads Towing advertising banners to help you get ahead Bring on the locusts Fighting for your focus Our ziggurat rises high In a circuit board sky Can't keep my metaphors straight I've got content to create The latest click bait Why don’t you watch me masturbate? Haven't you seen haven't you heard Our value shall be quantified by Google ad words Blubber my troubles to the motherboard I’ll bleed gleeful on my keyboard My wounds won’t be ignored Let them fester in the call-out culture I’m a social justice vulture I'm no joke I'm woke I'm proud I’ll live forever in the cloud I’ll spread my legs bare my heart gape my brain Hardwire me by the veins I’m caught rapturously hung by these threads Grandstand resplendent on my bed Waiting for the Crawlers to feast upon me On the world wide web
9.	Nosmirc (Notes from the Underground) 05:42	lyrics	buy track
A few hours after dark Under the shadows cast in the Olympic Sculpture park There was a stutter mumblin’ man Asked me if I had a dollar man? With which to buy a happy meal It’s not my place to judge How could I turn down his unhappy appeal? Sometimes they just need a little nudge To get them back on track Radiate positivity, The Universe always gives back Ya know what I mean? Ya gotta give to get love Do your best and that’s enough Can I get a witness? Amen I’m handsome, well adjusted, I leave a good impression I want the validation of a clinical depression I think I’ve got it but I’m too poor to go To the doctor so I guess I’ll never know. I’m so well read, you know I wish I was dead I’d put a bullet in my head, check out my existential dread Staring out windows Over rooftops Perusing my Nietzsche In the coffee shop I’ve Dublined through Ulysses Wept in Infinite Jest Got Billy Shakes in a boxset I’ve sailed through the Tempest I need fuel for my fire, And paint for my art Give me pain is the refrain, Oh please break my heart Listen to my sighs Desperation’s quiet cries I can’t sleep I’m deep Oh I’m a sensitive soul Someone please come make me whole Got so much to give You don’t even know I’m a loner not some groaner Not a moaner who needs your pity “I’m so ugly” “no you’re not, I think that you are really pretty” Want a little sympathy notice me Want to be admired An activist, a terrorist, philanthropist My words inspired Don’t forget me please just let me Join your club and be a member All Hail Moloch diabolic Deity of flaming embers Graffiti greed I’ll spread my seed I have the need to Be remembered I’ll take a horse drawn hearse A eulogy in verse Let me be first In the Kingdom of Heaven I’ll be a serial killer An immutable pillar Of evil on the earth Spark of Armageddon Constantly hoping for tragedy to strike There’s no one that I love That I wouldn’t sacrifice For a few more minutes in the spotlight Give me cancer, give me fame I need an answer, I need a name I’m unique I’m the alien I’ve got mystique, I’m fucking radiant Remember me remember me remember….

about

To the hilt in the heart of the digital age

credits

released February 22, 2022

Bass: Harry
Guitar: Joshua
Drums: Christian
Piano: Robert
Vocals: Jonathan
All songs written by Fian
Recorded by Matt Buchla at Echocave Studios, Dylan Fant at 1Shot Studios, and Fian on Orcas Island
Mixed by Matt Buchla and Dylan Fant
Mastered by Pelle Henricsson at Tonteknik Recording

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Fian Seattle, Washington

The last band you'll ever need

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